In this post I am going to be talking about spiritual alchemy — the magic of turning negative energy manifestations into positive ones. This is intended to be a very positive and uplifting post, but I feel the need to state that up front because it could sound pretty dark and gloomy for much of this post. Just be aware that I see a happy ending, and I’m hoping you’ll see it, too.

A few years ago this image of my life as one epic Harry Houdini trick occurred to me. I was assessing my life situation at the time, and honestly acknowledging that I was in a really tough spot. I take responsibility for myself and my life, so I had to admit that I put myself in this position. Sure, I’ve been taken advantage of and screwed over on several occasions, but I allowed it to happen. If I had been more aware or experienced or skilled in these situations, maybe I could have avoided them and turned them to my advantage.

Even though I really wanted to make progress and get ahead in the game at every step of the way, somehow my situation almost always deteriorated (with two very notable exceptions). Actually, I should clarify here that I’m really talking about finances and work here. My health is OK, and my close relationships are wonderful. It’s just in terms of my life’s work that I have been tying myself in knots all these years.

You see, from about the time I became an adult, my vision was to become a great entrepreneur. I already had some big business ideas, and I had a feeling I’d be coming up with more. My vision was to be a serial entrepreneur, building a series of innovative, revolutionary businesses, each one more awesome than the last.

My first big idea was a multi-restaurant delivery service, which didn’t exist in the mid 80s. I knew it was an incredible business idea, so following in the footsteps of the iconic entrepreneurs of the time, Steve Jobs and Bill Gates, I dropped out of college after two years and I spent most of my 20s trying to get that business off the ground. I supported myself through a series of jobs, mostly restaurant work, while trying to find investors. I never did find any real investors — only short-sighted people who contributed little and drove the companies (I tried three different times) into the ground. Instead of becoming a successful entrepreneur, I ended my 20s completely broke and deep in debt, with most of my work experience being on farms and in restaurants.

Dejected, I determined that I just wasn’t cut out for entrepreneurship, so I regrouped and finished getting my degree in Psychology. But after a couple years, creative business ideas were springing up in my mind like mushrooms. I had come up with the idea of business incubators years before, and I noticed that those were starting to become a thing. I tried to start one, but with no funding, I was soon floundering again.

But when the World Wide Web exploded onto the scene in 1995, I pivoted and reinvented myself as an Internet trainer and then a webmaster. I treaded water in that role for a few years before starting a DotCom in the late 90s. This time, with the help of some partners, I was able to raise about $100K in funding. This was a pittance compared to so many other companies at the time, but we used the funds well, and had developed a serious platform and amassed over a million visitors. We were only a week or so away from landing another real round of funding — $1 million — when the NASDAQ crashed and popped the DotCom bubble. Any hopes of funding evaporated instantly, leaving me completely broke.

That’s when I started my career as a salaried employee, and I have been working for The Man ever since. My career hasn’t been particularly successful. I got such a late start in the tech industry, and I had to start at the bottom.

It has been a struggle to stay engaged with my jobs. I am a visionary with sprawling, ambitious plans, but I was always the lowest man on the totem pole, doing trivial detail work. Given my precarious financial position, with a family to support, I didn’t feel like I could take chances. So I kept my head down and did my job, which hasn’t been a winning strategy either. I’ve been through multiple layoffs in the wake of the 911 attacks and the 2008 financial meltdown as well as mismanagement of the companies I worked for. And each time took another financial toll on me, right up to the point a few years ago when I was reflecting on my life and the analogy of my Houdini trick came to me.

What I realized was that given my career and salary history, working as a full-time employee would result in me reaching retirement age of 67 with a net worth of approximately $0. Getting a higher paying job is extremely unlikely, considering I now have a long career during which I never rose above a manager role. Who would hire an over-the-hill underachiever like me for an executive job? Believe me, I’ve tried. That’s not happening.

So I maintain. Day after day. Month after month. Year after year.

Like I said, that Houdini analogy came to me a few years ago. And here I still am, on track to retire with that $0 net worth.

Unless something miraculous happens.

Without a miracle, my future looks quite uncertain. My only consolation is that that is just as true for anyone reading this. Our civilization is going to transform over the next few years, and it can go in radically different directions. Some of those directions will mean that I, and multitudes of people like me, will end up passively existing in a vacuous world with no power, no privacy, and no purpose.

Pretty bleak, I know.

Anyway, that’s my Houdini metaphor — I’ve spent my entire life getting myself into this straight jacket, wrapping these chains around me, and locking them up tight, and sinking myself underwater.

Now I have to free myself.

And as long as I’ve been underwater, pulling that off is going to take a miracle.

The good news is, after all those long years of disappointments and frustration, I still believe in miracles. I know they do happen every day all over the world, large and small. Just because I’ve never had a big lucky break, doesn’t mean that there isn’t one just up ahead.

Something drives me forward on my quest to manifest this miracle. And I’m consciously choosing to believe that my higher self and guardian angels have better visibility than I, and are guiding me to my purpose.

And here’s where we come back to spiritual alchemy. All the difficulties, obstacles, and challenges I’ve faced throughout my life are the locks and chains preventing my escape. Without the locks and chains, there can’t be any miraculous escape.

That miracle could one day be part of the fuel that drives the growth of ISITAS. All of Reality is simply one great story. Stories are what keep us engaged and drive us forward. The more compelling the story, the more activated people become. The more challenging the obstacles overcome and the greater the difference between the beginning of a story and the ending, the more compelling the story. So while I never intended to be in this situation, I find myself looking at all my hardships as potential assets.

I must emphasize the word ‘potential’ however, because without the eventual triumph, all the hardships don’t amount to anything. Nobody is interested in hearing the hard luck stories of some random loser. But they are very interested in hearing those stories told by someone who has overcome them and achieved their goals.

So I have not yet tapped into my repository of stored value. Not to mix metaphors, but it’s like having a giant reservoir of oil underground. Without a refinery to turn it into something people can use, there is no point in drilling into it.

So I don’t expect this post to move the needle in terms of ISITAS. This article is for the archives, and some day people may go back and read this in light of how incredible ISITAS has become, and marvel at its humble beginnings.

Meanwhile, although I know I have vast potential resources available when the time comes, I am busy trying to build that refinery with little resources, assets or time.

Once I do get at least a rudimentary system in place, I’ll be in a position to process all that latent power I’ve been storing up all these years. At some point, a catalyst will activate all that potential energy, and the alchemical reaction will fuel a transformation like the world has never seen before.

Or not. We’ll see.