I had a very significant dream last night that I am compelled to capture. This one is very personal to me, and I am reticent to share it publicly. And yet it is so relevant to my situation that I feel compelled to post it. My solution is that I won’t post this on Substack, where it might be seen by a handful of people, but will instead post it on the Mentor’s Metamorphosis blog where it will won’t be seen by anyone until such time as ISITAS becomes something and/or Spirit mysteriously guides the right person to find it.
So I need to set this up by sharing the context of my situation and my mindset as I went to bed last night.
I’ve told my life story elsewhere, so very briefly I’ll just say that I have devastated my financial life by focusing on this colossal ISITAS project which consumes so much of my time and effort while providing no support to me personally. Consequently, I live in isolation as a hermit, separated from my daughters who I love dearly. My older daughter is now a young adult who is stoically struggling to survive like so many others of her generation. My younger daughter is a teenager in her final year of high school, who, despite living with her narcissistic mother in a constant state of financial lack, maintains a bright and positive outlook on the world.
My ex constantly insists that she needs more financial support from me than I can possibly provide, using psychological and emotional manipulation tactics around my daughters’ well being. While I am keenly aware that this manipulation is basically emotional extortion, I am also aware that my quest to launch ISITAS has come at the direct expense of my daughters’ well being. In a very real sense, I have sacrificed my daughters at the altar of ISITAS, and this understanding is always present in my mind.
Having just received the most recent demand for more money that I don’t have and don’t know how to acquire, this was particularly on my mind last night when I said my prayers before bed. As always, I asked God to protect my daughters and keep them safe while I continue to focus my attention on developing ISITAS, because as dear as my daughters are to me, I believe that establishing ISITAS is paramount. It hurts me to write this, because it just seems wrong to admit that anything could matter to me more than my daughters. But objectively speaking, understanding what ISITAS means to the world, I have to admit this. (Do you see why I don’t want to post this publicly?)
So this was my frame of mind as I fell asleep last night, and following is the dream I had. First, it wasn’t one of those vivid dreams that was very striking. It was kind of blurry and vague. It was from ‘my’ perspective, but the ‘I’ seemed kind of general — like it was more of a story.
‘I’ was standing near the edge of a vast canyon. There was another adult with me, though there was no identity associated with them. They were a helpful entity, but more of an observer. That’s all I can say about them. Very vague.
And there were two young people there. These were not explicitly my daughters in the dream, and I didn’t make the association with my daughters. The younger one was definitely a little girl, maybe between the ages of 4-7 years old. The older one also had a female energy, and was a kind of guardian figure for the younger one. Again, in the dream they didn’t have any particular identities, the dynamic matches the relationship of my daughters.
So in the dream, each of these two youngsters were there with me by the side of this canyon on a moonlight evening, and we had strapped onto them small personal-sized floating balloons. Each one had a balloon just large enough to lift them into the air. To the extent that there were harnesses, they weren’t very substantial. The girls would need to hold on tight to their balloons.
The plan was for them to float up high into the sky — like thousands of feet — and spend the entire night floating in the sky. Why? That wasn’t clear. It was some kind of right of passage. Again, it was so fuzzy and vague. But there was definitely a sense that it was something that they needed to do. It wasn’t for fun or excitement. It was scary — very scary. ‘My’ fear in the dream was that the younger one would fall asleep in the night, let go of her balloon, and fall to her death. But despite my fears, I helped them get set up, and then off they went.
The clearest part of this dream was the image of the two of them starting to float up into the air. The older one was higher up, and the younger one just below her, both emanating a combination of fear, bravery, determination, and excitement as they rose higher and higher.
The rest of the dream is very vague. I spent that evening in a sense of deep concern for my daughters mixed with hopeful confidence. In the morning they returned to Earth, none the worse for wear.
I don’t remember any big celebration or triumph, in spite of the amazing feat they had just accomplished. There was a sense of relief and pride. But again, this part was very vague.
When I woke up the symbolism was clear to me. This was a representation of the current state of affairs vis-a-vis my daughters. As I write this, it feels like we are currently in the middle of that moonlit night. My daughters are currently floating alone far up in the sky in the dark with only the moon and stars to light their way, holding on for dear life. And I am here, stuck on the ground on the edge of a precipice, praying for their safe return.
In the dream, they did return safely to Earth in the morning, and I thank God for this dream that reinforces my belief that they are going to come through this trial safe and sound.
Just how long this ‘dark night of the soul’ is going to last, I don’t know. But what I do know is that if my daughters can continue to bravely hold on, I can too.
